Essays of an Equestrian

If we are to think of things in generalizations it is because sometimes, or at least often enough, they are true. Dressage has within it a few generalizations as well such as the epic dressage queen or the quintessential generic dressage snotty bitch.


Now there are snotty bitches all over the world, but for some reason dressage snotty bitches have achieved a level of stupidstardom, I mean superstardom which simply surpasses other snotty bitch levels. I think it’s because even when they are trying to be nice they still come off as snotty bitches.


SBS, (Snotty Bitch Syndrome) can manifest itself anywhere from bullying to simply not engaging ones brain before opening ones snotty bitch mouth as well.

I believe snotty bitch is a condition which is often times incurable. So if you are a victim of a snotty dressage bitch, in a way you might for just a moment feel a little sorry for them. That is until they say another snotty bitch thing to you.

Snotty Bitch Syndrome manifests itself in various ways, the first and foremost is in being judgmental. But not just regular horse people judgmental, but super narrow minded snotty bitch piaffe judgmental. And when they see something they aren’t used to they freak………. And so the snotty bitch emerges.

I was recently told a story by someone new to dressage and its competitions. Like many of us this rider had achieved a measure of success in other equestrian disciplines but it is new to dressage. An equestrian immigrant as it were.

Now we all as riders have our little issues. Okay sometimes we have big issues too, and big other stuff (like asses) as well! But for some of us dealing with health stuff some of the issues are really hard to work with. And when someone is resourceful enough to figure out a way around it, they should be respected, should they not?

Well with this particular rider the challenge is MS which causes limitations to mobility. Add to the equation a horse the size of a Brachiosaur. They call them Percherons in the horse world, but I know there’s dino sizing DNA in there somewhere. This particular one is 19’2 hands, which I couldn’t mount on a good day unless I had with me either a) forklift or b) another smaller horse to stand on.

So this remarkable rider with the MS, and who is accomplished in another discipline, trained that Percheronsaurus to kneel so that the rider could safely mount.

Positively brilliant!! (I am going to have to mention this to my own Mr. Thang who looks at me with disgust when I stomp up the mounting block).

Imagine this scenario: Rider excited to be going to their first dressage competition overcoming the challenge of MS and the gigantor horse. The horse obediently responding to the cue to kneel. Rider mounts safely and without incident. Horse then lifts up, and they’re ready to go.

Enter at A: Snotty Bitch speaking these pearls of wisdom as they look up at the rider way up there in the sky from their much smaller horse and state:

“I hope your disability doesn’t hinder you from controlling that monster”.

This my friends is quintessential snotty bitch. But is it you?


Remember please, it’s much cooler to be kind. Don’t be a thrush mouth.

There is a wonderful update on the continuing saga of the snotty bitch!

After posting my blog entry I got a wonderful update which is best put here in the person’s own words. I laughed so hard I fell off the couch ~ Apparently at this event the rider had the opportunity to do a short demo ride showing similarities between reining (a former event they competed in) and dressage.


“We had a wonderful time but the best part came when SB rode up and commented that she would never have believed a horse like mine could spin and slide stop like that! I laughed and said I get that alot. Then “Accidently” dropped my head band and said “OOPS” My giant black angel reached down, picked it up, reached around and handed it to me and I gave him a cookie. The people around us dropped their mouths and said how amazing the “trick” was!

Snotty Bitch said “I never feed my horse by hand!”

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any Snotty Bitchier, there ya go!! LOL

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The good will of the horse is like the scent of a rose. Once it is gone, it is gone forever.